Thesis in the Middle of the Night

I haven’t posted anything for quite a looooong time on this blog.

No excuse is acceptable because this blog basically exists to share with you all my thoughts on a lot of things. And right at this moment, I have too many things to share with you but unable to because of the pressure of my thesis.

Honestly, the School of Graduate Studies allowed me to finish my thesis until the end of this year. I even am attending a penalty course to compensate my extension for my masters program. Somehow, my all-time-favorite professor lured me to finish my thesis this month. He does have this effect on me ever since college days.

Another good professor asked me about my thesis. “I will try to finish it.”, I said.

She told me, “You SHOULD finish it.”

There is such a heavy emphasis on SHOULD. This simple word made me realize that most of the things that I was unable to completely and appropriately finish were usually came from my mindset of “I will TRY.”

That is true for me who always do a lot of things spreading myself like a small scoop of jam on a palm-sized bread. I get too thin on a lot of my activities which, in return, compromises the quality of these same activities.

Saying “I will try.” has become a safe excuse and this is not good.

I won’t be able to finish my thesis this month which I sincerely regret because I have promised my all-time-favorite professor that I will. But I will this coming September. I have to. After all, all good things should come to an end as soon as possible. And that is because I believe in the idea of my thesis. I actually can’t wait to know the result of my data analysis.

But a while ago, my ongoing data analysis slapped me with this question:

“Are you sure with your analysis?”

which, after a split of 5 seconds, turned into

“Are you sure, Olivia?”

I do feel like sometimes I am having disassociated personality. I ask myself. I answer myself. I discuss with myself. I agree with myself. I doubt myself.

Thesis is like Hulk: BIG ALIEN-LIKE MONSTER

 

So.

Yeah.

I am doubting myself.

So what.

That’s normal… I think?

What is not normal is I always look like this whenever I do my analysis..

 

So yeah…….. x = y and y = z But why the heck x is not equal to z!?

 

So whenever I am faced with life-threatening question during data analysis,

I turn away from it and breath some air.

 

Turn away from it and breath air is basically...Walking Out.

Turn away from it and breath air is basically…Walk Out.

 

But then you know,

I come back to my thesis, hold again my gtech and proceed with my analysis on my increasing number of scratch papers.

Few weeks ago I learned something from my all-time-favorite professor,

“Nothing can be achieved without effort. If you want something, you have to work for it.”

 

IMG_3521

I hate you, Thesis. But I am going to overcome you!!

 

After I had engaging conversations with some of the stakeholders who might benefit  from my thesis, I realized that I might be doing something worthwhile all this time.

This might sound too cheesy for a graduation thesis paper (I know!) but I choose to believe that I am doing something great because I am.

So yeah! Let’s keep moving!!