I had been busy for the past 3 months. Wait…. 6 months.

I write this blog because I finally received the result of my JLPT exam. I passed.

Hahahahha. Geesh. I still want to jump way up high to our ceiling! My niece, Kai, was in excitement when she saw me jumping nonstop.

I resigned from my work the other day. So technically speaking, I’m on my own now.

I remember what my good friend told me before, that is I am an idealist. And in reality, idealism is a rare scenario. What stunned me more was that to be ideal is something that only works for me. I say, No.

My work was not demanding but it was 2nd term in my Masters degree, the most dreadful of all terms in Mapua. A professor from my college degree, well-known in her expertise and an adviser in my practicum. Another professor from my student council days, well-experienced Marketing person and a Business Consultant. Passing the subjects was not a mere game. I had to get my mind awake at all times even I barely slept. It was dreadful. I dragged myself every morning holding a 70-page lecture. The only moment I had for myself was to pause myself when dinner was ready. Topic for projects was more overwhelming. I was in Bangkok but I had a laptop beside my pillow. I had to formulate something worth of presenting to a finance and marketing subject. I photographed travel photos but I had to chase Thai people and foreigners around in the market so I can shoot them holding or drinking coconut – the subject matter of the project.

My nihonggo class finished in September but I started preparing for the JLPT exam right after. I laid out my evenings for a self-review. I know I need a formal review class but the fee was unbearable as I prepared for yet another enrollment in school. Every lunch, I went straight to Japan Foundation library in my office building ground floor. I reviewed, read and memorized hundreds of new words and practiced juggling them in correct grammar. For about an hour, no one should bother me. I was serious studying in the library. I had scheduled lectures to review but with all the demands for a clear mind, I was late for everything. Before I go back to my office desk, I scanned magazines and enjoyed a short bliss of alteration.

Another is my endeavor to wedding planning. It was having problems and we needed to reschedule everything every 2 weeks, going back and forth from suppliers, meeting every week, coordinating with the couple’s families and updating my personal planner every night. It was creative move for me to enter this part-time but nothing is easy. You have to start from scratch, crawling yourself to an industry where amateurs are camouflaged with fliers and banners.

These 3 months of 2011 was a repeat of last year last 3 months. I barely had a straight rest during Christmas season. I was in Taipei but was being punished for being too cruel to my weak body. I was coughing amidst the cold weather. It was not a simple cough because my medicines were antibiotics. Vitamin C and few tablets of headache and cough medicines didn’t cure me. I coughed for 3 months. I was coughing when the fireworks started popping out from Philippines while I was bothered by airport’s silence for the new year. I felt Taiwan is not being considerate to their visitors. The airport was dead silent! All stores were closed. No food available, just a vending machine of drinks.

Another two subjects for 3rd term. Thinking that 3rd term is not as busy as 2nd term, I promised myself to rethink my plans. If last year was the year of new commitments, this year needs to be focus. This term was a real headache. Times 2 of last term. And then there was personal issue I never knew existed. I was busy and emotionally and physically exhausted. I can’t stand another stress from a problem I don’t even consider one. And then I got pissed about everything. I was really stressed.

I got knocked down by flu twice and I started believing in the illness of migraine. Something was pinching my head on both sides. And then there was another symptom.

It looks like I was driving myself to a pitfall, as many have already said to me. “What is the use of all these?? They don’t have to be for you, I say to myself. I know what is in the destination. I have a dream. And I am going to go there no matter what.

Things may not be ideal always. You have to work your ass off. As I said, nothing is easy. I just don’t show my tired face to everyone. I may know the art of putting a façade, but it is a way of pushing yourself further. It is one way of motivating yourself and freeing yourself from discouragement. I also have to be grateful for the little bits of strengths being poured upon me. This is the same reason why there is this word, faith. I have faith in myself because I have faith in God. God made me to be something. Everyone is. I just made myself aware of that at all times.

To sum the rest of the story, I have been receiving number of blessings. It started, I think, when I finally fell down in my own pitfall. It is a very enchanting fall.

I just think that if you don’t know what to do with your life or is being confused with so many things or you know you’re not at your most meaningful days, why not try to pursue your dream? It would be hard. Definitely. But it is Something.