A Break

I just got tired reading lectures and articles. I think I already gave a lot of my time on learning new stuffs. I was trying to put atleast 20 new japanese words in my head every day and analyze the conjoint analysis of my statistics class. I think my brain is starting to deplete. Tomorrow, I need to study how ARIS Platform database works before I proceed with the revision I was asked to do.

A Break.

I inspire myself in between my schedule through photos of my tumblr friends. But then, I realized something.

With a busy schedule, I always try to finish everything ahead of time, if not, atleast on time. I have always been a person who works well with cramming. And by that, I also mean, more efficient. But most of the time, the end result doesn’t satisfy me. There’s always something with my work I know I should have done better if only allotted with more time. So I started to plan like there’s no tomorrow. My planner became the most loved stuff I ever had. (I had my watch as the top-ranked stuff before) But then, when I look at those tasks properly listed in detail per day, I started to look for things that somehow will make me humane. Did I push myself too hard? Did I overestimate myself? Oh Lord, Im tired. Break. Relax. Chill.

I involved myself in these things because of several reasons.

  1. I had a lot of free time. I can even lie on bed all day , if only was given a chance.
  2. I didn’t have a goal with my career. Well of course, I do have but it’s not something I earnestly wanted to pursue because they’re just the usual “goal? people in my age aspire: financial freedom, stable good position & take a lot of leisure time traveling and spending for that another 3 days under the sun. And let’s add the tech and gadgets everyone is always buzzing about on FB. Iphone, Itouch, SLR, or… whatever.
  3. Corporate world is corporate world. It’s some place where you work and you get paid.. and you go home. It’s some place where you meet people and realized they’re like bees buzzing the latest chismis with colleagues during working hours. People who really know how to complain. Corporate world is something I try to look at as a place where I can know what I really am capable of doing and be able to do that for the rest of my life. That’s a positive thought. (And so I put my hands under my chin and look at the computer with cartoon-like question mark on top of my head. )
  4. … because I am 24. Think about it. 24.
  5. … because I am just not passionate enough with what I was doing.
  6. There is something in the future that I wanted to do. And that thing is something I have always been dreaming about under twilight and even under the brightness of the sun.
  7. I’ve got another 41 years to spend my life (assuming 65 years/old as my death age). So with 41 years….. what am I going to do with 41 years!? I spent 15 years dragging myself to school and studying for those long quizzes. That 15 years was veeeery long. How about another 41 years? That’s triple the value!
Maybe that 41 years hit me that much that I drafted out my life in a way I wanted it to be lived. (Now, I love my blank sheet of paper more than my planner and watch.)

I want something sensible, worthwhile, meaningful and valuable. Ok, those words mean the same thing. I want a real life. Real that I can smile on my deathbed.

Everyday I look at people like a freak. No, as an observer. I always found myself asking the same question everyday: What do these people doing with their lives?

Wake up.

Another day to spend.

I want to doodle on a blank sheet of paper.