Lusting vs. Loving

What is the thin line between lusting and loving? This blog is a direct and upfront documentation of conversation of 6 people who talked about the issues that are not discuss in our society in an honest, fearless and logical way. They were exchanging ideas and insights on how relationship works w/ physical intimacy and weaknesses of both sexes.

Does relationship works well with physical intimacy? Nuh-uh…


Living in the culture we have right now, it is a big challenge to still holds one’s ground. Our culture tells us that a long-term relationship is justifiable to engage in premarital sex. Such kind of sex shows that both parties have decided to commit themselves more profoundly than they were before. In other words, it is the binding swearword both share. But then again, how do we know if we are really exchanging vows with each other or just committing lust in expense of others?


Lust is any intense desire or craving for self-gratification. It is one’s own craving for flesh and satisfies the intensity of self-indulgence. Yes. It is a selfish act. Do you remember the first time you read any article that explains the act of sex in details? As you read it, you start to feel blood rushing to your whole body. It is like an electricity running within you and yet you still want to continue reading and hoping the article would not come to an end.

A discussion done by Janet L. Jacobsen entitled ‘Separating Lust from Love’ shows the difference of how men and women lust. For men, you know its lust when you’re fantasizing, when the physical attraction is primary, such as emphasizing the physical over the emotional. In true lust, men said, you’d just as soon not get in touch with any more reality than is absolutely necessary. Men also have different preferences that trigger their lusting: women’s way of clothing, pictures like in magazines or ads or in motion like movies and actual settings. One young man testifies that the fashion trend has contributed much on this facet such as “short-shorts?, spaghetti strap, tight-fitted blouses & plunging blouses.

The women’s list, on the other hand, was mostly into what they were doing. They know they’re in lust when experiencing lusty feelings, especially “instant desire;” spending lots of time in bed together, living in the present, tolerating his faults, focusing on the physical over all else, and thinking he looks best in bed.

Lust blinds both parties, especially the men, when in sex. Men are weaker when in physical contact because their sexual drive is much higher than women resulting not able to see the bigger picture. Their imagination runs so fast resulting to have a weaker self-control. This is why, if in physical intimacy, the women should be more in control. But this is not an advice from the expert, because women, on the other hand, engage in physical intimacy because they want to satisfy her man. If men have high sexual drive and it makes them out of control, women have uncontrollable emotions. Women, whether really in love or not, invest emotions more because, naturally, women value relationships in general. The worst is, if she gives her emotions away at the wrong time or to the wrong person – even without giving her body away – she’ll still end up with deep heart wounds that God never intended her to suffer. The fault in many relationship is when these two weaknesses of Adam and Eve meet.

Golds in Treasure

Men have high sexual drive but treasure their emotions. They might have numbers of relationships but only invest emotions to the true love. They treasure their emotions to the point that they fear rejection whenever in courtship. Some say that men can choose whomever they want to pursue. But, they can’t compel the woman they truly love to love them back. Real courtship is very clueless and risky move in the part of the men since they will invest something but do not know if there will be a return. ( I have chosen ‘real’ to identify specific kind of courtship because there are different motives in courtship today)

Whether in courtship or in relationship or neither in both, man shows his love if they are willing to wait directly or indirectly. Waiting is the essence of love. In the sex context, if a man truly loves his partner, he would not pursue sex outside marriage, otherwise, what we have discussed, he’s on lusting. My male friend told me that there are three reasons if a man doesn’t pursue you in physical intimacy or sex. First, the man knows what his weakness is and its up to him whether he will satisfy his weakness or go against it. Second, the man respects the value of his partner as a woman. He knows that he will only trigger the emotion of the woman to a level which he is not ready yet. And lastly, he believes in the power of waiting. He knows and believes that the woman does not deserved to be the subject of his lusting because she worth more than that. And he believes that by waiting he is not settling for a temporary pleasure but an eternity fulfillment, that is, to be the husband of his woman. This shows that he invests emotion in you and he has faith on your relationship. No wonder, we feel truly loved when our man finally proposes to us.

Women are emotional but treasures physical intimacy and sex. We have stated above that one reason why women engage in physical intimacy or sex is because they want to satisfy their men. As a woman, we must recognize the power of our emotions.When we awaken emotions in a physical relationship, we create a strong bond that hurts badly when the relationship ends. More emotions are invested when physical contact is increasing. She feels secured when comforted under the arms of her man and assured of companionship when in holding hands. What more if she invests in physical intimacy? Our deepest emotions are much too valuable to share with someone who is not yet committed to us, as a fiancé or spouse would be.

Expectantly, this will be viewed as ridiculous because culture has invaded us so well.And this might also sound so radical. But take a note of it, by being a radical, it only shows that emotions are really essential and should not be played on. Women, you should manage your emotions so they don’t manage you. And realizethat whoever controls your emotions controls you.

As an individual, there is much involvedness in life. Ponder on and realize how complex your life is. We play different roles in our life, shifting from one face to the other. From as a son to student. From as a sister to a friend. We try to control everything that our roles have because by expecting we know what to expect or not.But with complexities of our ’own’ life, we don’t afford to heal the heart we wounded because of our self-centeredness.

What is God’s view?

“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Heb. 13:4).

What a contrast to a nation which sees sex only as an outlet for pleasure.